When I began treatment with Angela, I had told her I would give this work 3 months without medical interventions because that’s all I felt I had left in me. At that time in my life, I was extremely depressed and anxious. I would get angry and depressed every time I would here about someone getting pregnant, even my own friends. It’s a horrible feeling to be unhappy about a friends’ good news, but there I was, miserable. My misery extended to other issues in my life as well. I was constantly sick to my stomach, exhausted, and I would look in the mirror every day and think, “God, I look awful.” Little did I know in the end I would view my “infertility” as a blessing that would change my life for the better.
First, Angela put me on an elimination diet. For someone who loves McDonald’s and eats pasta 5 days a week, this was a huge stretch. To my surprise, I took to it with gusto and stuck to it for the three months. During that time, so much changed, not only emotionally, but also physically. After a few weeks, I was never tired, no longer fighting falling asleep at the wheel after a day’s work, felt very energetic. All of my stomach problems had disappeared. And my skin cleared up! Someone actually asked if I was pregnant because I was “glowing.” Normally this comment would upset me because I wasn’t pregnant, but my reaction was of excitement.
The work was not only physical, but also spiritual. During those three months, I learned how to live with consciousness. Consciousness in my eating, my behavior, and the decisions I made. I learned how to be more “present” in my life instead of always projecting into the future or looking into the past. As a result of this work, my anxiety and depression decreased dramatically, to the point where my husband would comment on the difference. The strain that had been on our marriage was dissipating. Stressful things continue to come my way, but my reaction to them is so different. Angela helped me see my own abilities to effect change in my life and how to make decisions based on my own experiences, not others. When I chose after the 3 months to try Clomid and insemination, she was extremely supportive. My husband and I went in for the insemination and surprisingly had a good time. Instead of it being anxiety provoking, “Is it going to work?” and stressful, we giggled and joked, somehow turning a medical intervention into an intimate experience. To our surprise, it worked the first time! Now I am 7 months pregnant and expecting a baby boy.
Maintaining these changes and building on them continues to be a conscious effort. I am far from perfect, and that’s OK. After some research and education, I have chosen natural child birth. We are currently taking HypnoBirthing® classes, and have found a practice with a doctor and midwife who are supportive of my wants and needs. So many changes have stuck with me regarding my diet, that I have maintained feeling energetic and free of stomach problems. I eat with awareness, knowing how my choices will affect me.
So as I said before, this “infertility” was a blessing in disguise. I now have the opportunity to be a conscious and present mother, wife, and being. I almost missed out on that.
(My job offered free acupuncture, and as my mother always says “you get what you pay for”. Twenty people sitting in a waiting room with needles sticking out of their bodies. Some days it was freezing in there because the windows weren’t properly sealed. There were always people talking, cracking jokes or arguing about politics, just lots of noise. The acupuncturist kept telling me she would email me with dietary suggestions, but never did. Needless to say after 2 months of 1x per week I felt absolutely no benefit.)